Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
