Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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