Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
