i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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