How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
