So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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