how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
