At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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