I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
