People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
