Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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