so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
