i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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