i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No more Irish car bombs ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
