It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
