How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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