I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
