Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
