im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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