I wish my penis had an off switch
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do vagina's smell?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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