I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize