hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
