Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
