the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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