maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
