Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
