Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
