I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
