Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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