i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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