your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
