she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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