I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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