Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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