my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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