If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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