I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
