I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
