only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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