He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
