is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
