i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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