My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
