He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
