Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
