Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
