TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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