The maid of honor just puked.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
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it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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