Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
