So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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