Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
