Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Quick, to the slutcave!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
