While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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