Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
nutella sex= disaster
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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