Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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