I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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