I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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