I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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