so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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