She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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