My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
