I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize