How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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