What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
