just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
