Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
