i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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