I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
