put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
