i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
