he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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