I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
