also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize