I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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