My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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