Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
