you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
