I just cut my nipple shaving
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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